Rock ‘n’ Roll Is Not A “Luxury Destination” – The Fyre Festival
I hate to seem like I’m piling on, but holy moly is this whole Fyre Festival debacle insane or what?
Billed as a “once-in-a-lifetime luxury music weekend”, the Fyre Festival organizers apparently felt that Coachella wasn’t expensive, exclusive or snooty enough. This ill-fated festival touted the fact that its location was a private island once owned by Pablo Escobar. Think about that for a second. “A private island once owned by Pablo Escobar” was part of this thing’s promotion – as if that’s some sort of attraction. You’ve gotta see this teaser video they posted a while back to drum up interest:
“Two Transformative Weekends”, eh? It was transformative alright. It transformed a few thousand concertgoers into a sweaty, pissed-off mob with much smaller bank accounts.
But here’s the kicker – the event was to be hosted by Ja Rule and the headliner was Blink 182. Tickets ranged from $1,000 to OVER A HUNDRED GRAND. I mean, who wouldn’t kick down six figures to see Blink 182 on some old coke dealer’s lame-ass island? What could go wrong?
Apparently everything. The organizers promised the sort of unparalleled luxury that can only be found in ’90s rap videos, but they forgot that putting on a festival is freakin’ expensive and hard. Grifting millennials is much easier. The promise of first-class accommodations, 5-star chefs and all the Instagram models you can shake a selfie stick at fell somewhat short. By “fell short”, I actually mean “devolved into a dystopian hellscape.”
After the first groups of attendees arrived on chartered planes, it quickly became apparent that the Fyre Festival wasn’t set up to host a backyard barbeque – let alone a major festival. Lack of water, not-even-close-to-completed accommodations and prison-worthy food offerings had the attendees in a panic and scrambling to get out. As I write this, there are still a LOT of stranded concertgoers on Escobar island.
The tweets tell the tale:
Expectation vs. Reality#fyre #fyrefestival pic.twitter.com/U80NApajxl
— William N. Finley IV (@WNFIV) April 28, 2017
LUXURIOUS!
A view of the luxury food court with some luxury school bus transportation at Fyre Festival. #fyre #fyrefestival pic.twitter.com/XL3PtRw8q0
— William N. Finley IV (@WNFIV) April 28, 2017
5-STAR CUISINE FROM CELEBRITY CHEFS!
The dinner that @fyrefestival promised us was catered by Steven Starr is literally bread, cheese, and salad with dressing. #fyrefestival pic.twitter.com/I8d0UlSNbd
— Tr3vor (@trev4president) April 28, 2017
THE CONCIERGE WILL CATER TO YOUR EVERY NEED!
This sums up Fyre Festival. #fyre #fyrefestival #fyrefest pic.twitter.com/x4xcFBL8Yg
— William N. Finley IV (@WNFIV) April 28, 2017
OUR CRACK BELL STAFF WILL DELIVER YOUR LUGGAGE DIRECTLY TO YOUR LUXURY TENT!
This is how Fyre Fest handles luggage. Just drop it out of a shipping container. At night. With no lights. #fyrefestival pic.twitter.com/X5CdZRyJWo
— William N. Finley IV (@WNFIV) April 28, 2017
Incredible. How on Earth did the organizers of this thing not call it off weeks ago when it became apparent they had neither the funds, the infrastructure or the decency to provide their paying guests with a secure, safe environment? Idiots.
Septa Unella has a message for the Fyre Festival organizers:
You nailed it !